JE's Blog

so miserable

jiaen1995 — Tue, 14 Dec 2010 16:03:13 +0000

arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. feel so miserable now . only some will understand .
JESSIE , CAN YOU COME BACK PLS ?
. NEED YOU SO MUCH NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
nobody understands…………………………………………………………………………………….

jiaen1995 — Wed, 01 Dec 2010 16:00:46 +0000

damn . everything just doesn’t seems right -.-
fuck .
CANT TAKE IT ANYMOREEEEE.
“nobody understands” , i hate to say this but its a fact.
all my top 3 friends are all overseas.
who will cares if i confide to them ?
RAWR.
sucks man .
there’s no one for me to depend on .
to youyouyou,
i am just a substitute when others are not there for u ,
argh god damn it i’ve enuf . I’M FKING PISS OFF WITH EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

jiaen1995 — Thu, 18 Nov 2010 11:42:38 +0000

i am hurt , i am sad , i am jealous . everything is always about you , just get the hell out of me.

half dead

jiaen1995 — Sun, 07 Nov 2010 11:22:34 +0000

sick and tired of writing compo on u -.-
but nvm , shall write this last one.
hahaha . okay i cant wait for friday and then we’re off .
OMGGGGGGGGG, NIKKI GOING JAPAN!!!!!!!!
sad nor , all friend going overseas
Lisa go 1 month 2 week,
nikki go 1 week ,
omgggggg so lonely
then i shall study hard during the period without them . heheh
aw , really wanna know what you’re thinking of me now.
Did ur view change on me ?
You once said that i shouldnt be so close to you ,
then you said i managed to get in ur layers of bubble.
awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww,
how now ? in lost now .

no more anticipation

jiaen1995 — Thu, 21 Oct 2010 15:09:30 +0000

Hahahaha , luckily since young i didnt wanna go Poly , was just aiming for JC.
from today course , i know the truth tt i cant go poly for the course i want.
GO FOR IT ! PSYCHOLOGY COURSE ^^
but maths need to be A . diao =.=
somemore this time maths was the first time i scored so baddddd.
must work hard !
^^
Mr raj always say ” do you appreciate it ? “
then i was reflecting for the year , then realise i’ve been wasting too much money , time , effort on Friendship.
Then i swear , i wont do it anymore.
Since pri sch to now , realise i’ve been too kind , been taken advantage of.
Oh , i am not strong but i’ve to .
The world ain’t provide me with a smooth route.
Don’t ever put in 100% trust or anticipation on someone.
Why do so much when the others don’t appreciate ?
To be make a fool?
To make yourself seems so dependent on ppl?
No more .
Maybe i will rely on nobody else .
Will never tell you how i felt anymore,
will never tell you how much i needed your comfort,
will never tell you what happened in my life.
I telling you all this is like , talking to the wall.
Wont get any response , or just a ” so” ?
Just don’t understand why i need a friend who doesn’t share my feelings with me.
Aw , i am hurt.
But i won’t say it out , would you care ? Lols.
Maybe i will tell you 22 days later.
Hahaha , nice date to pick.
and yaw , you better start studying hard in case you failed your o’s .
Dont wanna talk abt you anymore . last post on you . bye.

jiaen1995 — Fri, 15 Oct 2010 15:29:50 +0000

Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship–never.
Charles Caleb Colton

It’s no good trying to keep up old friendships. It’s painful for both sides. The fact is, one grows out of people, and the only thing is to face it.
W. Somerset Maugham

I think somewhere, sometime, I may find
A friend who will be forever true,
With a heart of beautiful eternal love
Maybe it will be somebody new.

I’ll imagine a heart so very caring
And a willingness to share,
A delightfully sweet sense of humor
With spontaneous care.

They shall know how to keep a secret
And when to turn to prayer,
Not needing to always chat
But glad to just “be there”.

Might I search away in the blue yonder
Or shall I look behind,
I’m feeling such a sweet tickle inside
Someone special is coming to my mind.

Oh then, why should I search so far and wide
For a friend of God’s design,
When your heart was prepared before I prayed
Waiting for me, there all the time.-Derry’s

When you need a shoulder to cry on,
Remember that I have a warm embrace,
Ready to offer comfort.

When you think I’m being too tough,
Remember that which does not kill you
Makes you stronger.

When you need a friend to listen,
Remember that I am here for you,
Always.

When you doubt me,
Remember that I once knelt at your feet,
Washing them in service to you.

When you lose faith in yourself,
Remember that I never did,
Nor ever will.

Tara Simms

Another day is passing
And still there is no word
On how your life is going
And who is in your world

I pray you will consider
These words I write to you
I liked you in my life
Yet maybe now it’s through

I don’t want to see
our relationship come to an end
And I don’t want to find
our lives standing still

We are moving towards the end
And we really ought to wait
Because God planted something special
Deep within our hearts

I know your life is hectic
You are busy all day through
My life is busy also
But I still think of you

I want to send my love
And remind you of these things
Just so you will know
You mean so much to me

Jenny

was finding some friendship quote and poems , and heheh , here is all the good one that i like to show.
sometimes i wonder whether by sms-ing a friend/best friend daily ,you’ll be able to keep the friendship alive.
maybe , but how high is the chances ?
Some best/good friends we don’t talk to them in sch ,
you wish you’ve had more time with the person , but the wish will never come true.
you wish a you could have a bestfriend you could really call he/her yours.
but that won’t happen , you never know whether a person is true to you.
maybe the person says “you’re my bestfriend” , it could be true for that moment , but it wont last.
maybe it was just to cheer you up or just to lie so you could stop asking that question to him/her.
So anyway i just realised , i could never write a happy compo.
I scored 20++ for horror , for sadness , but 19 and below for happiness.
Why?
I recently watch this show , it says , a person could never express happiness if he/she never felt one.
Maybe there is too much sadness in my life , or i am just a person who is just so negative.
I was thinking of this ytd before i slept.
Will our friendship last when we went separate schools?
Will we still sms each other ?
Will you remember me?
Will you call me one day and say lets go out ?
. i am so scared of losing friends, especially those i cherished so much.
Some say , you gain more than you lose.
i dont think so.
i think i’ve lose a lot of friends.
but , thinking of it doesn’t help.
do you think by sending a message to those you’ve lost , and you think they will give a damn?
no. IF the person doesn’t bothers about replying your message,
you will know how much you don’[t matter to the person.
We do have to understand a person cant be there for you , always
But how does it feels like when you’re down , you need a hug , you wish someone understand you,
but the person was never there.
The person doesn’t care.
How does it feel?
Would you cry for hours?
Yes, i did that.
i dunno why i cried for hours,
I wish i could hold back my tears,
but too bad , i’m just too emotional.
lalala, i think things are getting worst this month.
really.
but yaw , what can i do ?
be thickskin and say , lets get back together?
Some things are better left unattended , then to face it to make things worst.
I wish i had a bestfriend who would mean it when he/she calls me bestfriend
Who would give me a hug when i need one,
Who would always believe in me .
Who would always tries to be there for me,
Who would say some words to make me happy when i’m down.
Who would shares my emotions with me,
Who would care for me,
Who would always remember me,
Who would let me be the first to know when he/she is down or whatever

Maybe i had one ,
do i ?
will anyone answers that ?
sometimes you do get jealous when your bestfriend is being so close to others but not you.
How does it feel like calling each other bestfriend but treat each other like strangers in sch?
I really want to know whether you mean it when you say i am your bestfriend.
What am i to you ? , really.
You don’t seems to care anymore.
What you expect me to do ?
Oh , i am irritating i know.
But that’s me.
Sorry but yaw , i can’t control myself.
I wish we would be back like how we used to , but we can’t.
Ever since you start not trusting me , i know how much i mean to you.
Is it better for me to lie to myself and pretend everything doesn’t hurt?
Last time whether you said something sweet to me ,
I would be so happy,
but now i don’t feel anything.
Though i’m always anticipating your message,
but i guess it was just that we message every day that i got used to it.
But youknow , it really hurts a lot when you said messaging me doesn’t mean anything to you.
hahaha, it felt like the past few years of friendship doesn’t matters.
So sad, feel like crying now.
promises we had , do we obide to it ?
our promise was ” no secrets ” .
You said you were disappointed when i hid things from you,
but did you trust what i was doing?
You asked why didn’t i trust you,
but the fact was did you trust me?
Was i ever important to you?
I wish you would tell me your problems like you used to ,
So that our friendship won’t be so drifted.
Will i ever get the letter you promised to write on my birthday?
I wish things never turn out to be like that.
Did we both lose interest ?
Did you ,
Did i ?
You did , i know.
I want to get you back.
But i can’t.
Can we revive our strong friendship?
Will you care once more ?
I seriously trust you a lot , i seriously cherish you a lot, i seriously hope our friendship last
can we ?

EXAMS ARE OVERRRRRRRRRRR

jiaen1995 — Thu, 14 Oct 2010 13:10:20 +0000

^^ Though i am getting C or B for all subjects , i think i’ve put in 70% of my efforts
so whatever the results is , i’ve done my best so i will accept it.
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
i miss spending time with you ! i want to spend time with you AHHH BESTFRIEND NCLY !

sorry

jiaen1995 — Sat, 09 Oct 2010 10:54:10 +0000

was looking for my history and chem things then i saw LETTERS written by various people.
but before that let me write this 2 poem that i composed … i think feb/march , when everything was still okay.

Poem 1
I hold on , knowing that you’ll be there
I hold on , knowing that you need me
I want you , because you’re my pillar of strength
I need you , cause when you’re there i’ll hold on strong
I need you , cause when you’re there ,everything will be fine
A day without you seems so impossible
Bestfriend you’re irreplaceable .

Poem 2
there’s always so much of things i wanted to tell you
But i can’t express it out
I want to hold you tight , but you choose to let go
i wish i could walk up to you , but when i do so , you walked away
We are so close yet so far
if only you know how much you mean to me , maybe i wouldnt feel so miserable.
is this what other see us as close ?

So yaw , get back to letter.
Niece said * all those i miss you , i need you , i love you was true , i dk how much i wanted your hug*
that was when you said you gave up on me ,
if we were once so strong why did we become like this ?
its been weeks before we talked.
was it suppose to end ?

Kakak uh.
what does bestfriend mean to u?
am i really 1st / bestfriend ?
sometimes you just dunno how much you words could hurt me.
be it a single word , it will hurt.
doesn’t say anything doesn’t mean i don’t care.
i’m losing you , i know.
can’t bring you back.
our *strong* friendship won’t last next year, youknow i know.

Nikki!
AFTER EXAM MUST SPEND MORE TIME WITH ME ^^
<3
will improve on topic to talk to you ~
^^

Jessie ,
sorry uh . been trying to be a good exco.
but i see some disgusting ppl in council,
i just cant control my temper =.=
that time i still say vulgar ………~
hahahah.
sorry ! but will still try ~
AND I DUN WAN GO PHILLIPINES.
NO WAY ! ~once again sorry !

everything sucks now …………..

why?

jiaen1995 — Mon, 04 Oct 2010 10:27:37 +0000

i will never forget august 6 .
for the first time in my life , i cried for an hour plus for a friend.
it’s okay if you duno what happen.
cause you never know how much your words can affect me.
i already knew from the beginning you wont come, so i didnt bother inviting you.
but then you said you can come , then the next moment you cant.
wtf , if cant then say cant la.
why make me suffer ?
why make me cry?
you said in the letter i am never ur first.
and now you are telling me i am ur first , ur bestfriend.
wth ?
was i supposed to believe that?
was i supposed to believe that we strangers are bestfriend ?
i dont like cold treatment but you gave me super cold treatment.
hey , just tell me that i am nothing to you.
So i wont have to put in so much hope for this friendship,
this is the last time i am ever going to cry for you.
never again.
we both are acting , isn’t this making our life so much harder?

loves

jiaen1995 — Sun, 03 Oct 2010 04:09:56 +0000

I am very contented in my life,
though i am not clever , though i dun really have a future now
but yaw , i am most contented with my life cause i have great friends .
a friend that accepts me for who i am,
tolerates my nonsense ,
will give me a hug when i want,
call me bestfriend and mean it too.
hope our friendship last. ily.